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It seems that when having difficulty conceiving, everyone else around you is conceiving at distressing rates. Why is that? Well the truth is, many of your friends, siblings, and co-workers are in the same stage of life as you, and therefore are building their families. It is distressing for those that are trying to build their families, and are not successful, to hear about the success and luck others are having.
In this day and age, with email and Facebook, you are likely bombarded weekly, if not daily, with news of the pregnancies and births of your closest friends and family members, and those that are close to them. With the news of each and every announcement, there is not much time to recover from the difficult emotions of hearing one announcement before you hear of another. It is no wonder many feel overwhelmed with managing the emotional pain because it is likely never ending!
Etiquette dictates that you be happy for them, and part of you probably is! It is not necessarily that you don’t want them to be pregnant, but you want to join the club more then anything in the world. So what can you do to maintain your sanity when faced with a pregnancy announcement?
Having a frank talk with yourself (and maybe your spouse),is probably the first order of business. Quit being so hard on yourself for feeling what EVERY woman (and I mean EVERY woman) that experiences infertility feels, and that is jealousy of others’ success at getting pregnant. The degree that each woman feels jealous, and to what degree it impacts their life and relationships with others, depends on several variables. After you tell yourself that, here are a few rules to follow that can help:
- If you feel comfortable doing so, tell the person you are happy for them, but since you are facing your own struggles building your family, request they leave you off of their email/Facebook pregnancy updates.
- Support them to the best of your ability, but don’t do anything that makes you sad or resentful. Do not under any circumstances host a baby shower!
- Contract a migraine, or strange stomach virus the day of a baby shower you know would upset you to go to.
- For a baby gift, go in with others for a gift, or order something online. Do not under any circumstances go into a baby boutique!
It can also be helpful to speak with a counselor for support, and to also learn different ways of coping. Visit www.complementarycaregroup.com to learn more.
–The above was authored by guest contributor Kerry Christifano, M.A., LPC. Kerry is the Executive Director of Counseling and Mind/Body Infertility Services for Complementary Care Group for Infertility, located in Kansas City, MO. She has been helping individuals and couples with infertility-related psychological and emotional issues utilizing mind/body approaches since 2005. In addition, she makes herself available to Reproductive Resource Center (RRC) patients as they face infertility issues.
*image courtesy of jordi paya / creative commons